but that's the problem... I give a big fuck... I find myself drenched in thoughts of him... why.... fuck if I know... for I'm so very Happy with Eric... I have such a charmed life♥* Just the attention of someone whom I was in Love with comes back.... it an emotional turnmoil....♥ I'm also quite obsessed.... just like Eric talking about my characteristics earlier tonight on a totally different subject... that I go for what I want what I believe & do not stop... I don't want Jamie... well I guess I do... as a friend... I want him in my life even if its just 23%... but since he's a FUCKING COWARD!!!! He has this new lady in his life... & he is too much of a pussy to be a man. To be decent.... Maybe... I'm living in a head space that's such a dreamer... I look at life in a totally different light... I really believe in my heart♥ I could totally be his friend... platonically... Seriously!!! Really!!! I could... I have/ had :*( visions... meeting up laughing... taking pix of his girls... I even visioned him coming over to my house & him & Eric talking hours on end... about things I cannot comprehend... You see this has so much consumed me & has only gave me much melancholy of my soul...~
I haven't wrote him in like a couple of days or more... I refuse to even have any more interaction... what's the use when I'm being ignored... He obviously has no place for me... I just wish he was man enough to tell me... what's going on... instead of me figuring it out... If he truly cared & LOVED ME SO MUCH then why would he just disappear.... wouldn't he want to be my friend & have me in his life in some kind of way... guess not for its just bullshit... I'm trying me best not to put this on his wall.... even thou I really want 2~
all for now* I had to get this out.....~
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